Winter Reads

I usually wait to closer to the holiday to publish my lists of must watch holiday movies etc. However, since this is a list of books (also short stories) and books are harder to find the time for than a movie. I decided to impart some of my favorite December books to you now.

In God We Trust: All Others Pay Cash
by Jean Sheppard

This is not strictly speaking a Christmas book, but it is the birthplace of a universally loved Christmas tradition. The Christmas Story movie about Ralphie Parker's wanton lust for a Red Ryder BB gun are based on the short story found in this book. The classic film is narrated by the author Jean Sheppard who also has a cameo as the guy in line to see Santa who tells Ralph to go the back of the line.

A Christmas Carol
by Charles Dickens

One Christmas while Maggie and I were long distance I read this book to her each night at bed time. I am terrible on the phone and not much of a communicator in general, so as she went to sleep each night I would reach a section from the most classic of all Christmas tales. Of the many adaptations of this story none have ever captured the language Charles Dickens crafted. The section describing "the chain that each of us forge..that began with a single link of gold of silver" is one of my favorite passages in all of literature.

A Newberry Christmas
by Various Authors

This is a collection of 14 short stories that feature authors who have won the Newberry Medal. E.L. Knongsburg's "Eliot Miles Does Not Wish You a Merry Christmas Because..." is one of the funniest stories I have ever read. "A Full House" by Madeline L'Engle is one of those stories that at any other time of year would seem dipped in sugar to the point vomit, but during December we all seem to be immune from Artistic Diabetes.

The Gift of the Magi
by O. Henry

A classic Christmas tale that has been retold in film and television countless times. It seems to be the story that every English teacher uses to explain irony, but don't let that detour you from reading it.

Hershel and Hanukkah Goblins
by Eric A. Kimmel

Maggie gave me this book one year for Hanukkah and it has become one of my favorite holiday traditions. If you're looking for a way to incorporate other cultural and religious beliefs and traditions into your own this book is an excellent way to do so. Also, good story telling knows no cultural boundary.

Hanukkah Haiku
by Harriet Zeifert

An excellent collection of poetry about Hanukkah done in Haiku form. It teaches about the holiday in short powerful verses that both children and adults can enjoy

A Family Tradition
by Caroline Kennedy
This is an anthology compiled by Caroline Kennedy, the daughter of President Kennedy, consisting of stories, poems and songs that her family made part of their Christmas tradition. Caroline's mother Jackie worked for several years as a book editor and Caroline discusses her mother strong belief on reading in the home and making favorite stories a part of holiday tradition. A Family Tradition is filled with anecdotes and wonderful treasures that America's first family have used for years. It also contains some wonderful stories that have become part of my family tradition.

Mid-Week Mosh or I Gave up Being a Kid, Not Being Rad

Tuesday nights I usually stay home, watch a little TV, make dinner and go to bed early; it is a work day tomorrow after all. However, when you have the chance to see The Aquabats, Suburban Legends, Koo Koo Kangaroo and Reel Big Fish you alter your plans and suffer the pains of a terrible Wednesday.

Here are the high points broken down by section.

At Work/Pre-Show
-I dress up for work, but needed to dress down for the show. With an hour left at work I ditched my button down and my #$%&en khakis (which I am not) and put on an Underdog T-Shirt, jeans, and red Chuck Taylor All-Stars.
-With one of my fedoras on I started letting my ska Pandora station play.
-Playing ska almost always leads to skanking.
-Having your boss walk by and catch you skanking, alone, in an Underdog t-shirt is not easy to explain, and probably harder to live down.
-Don't tell your boss you're skanking if she doesn't know what that is.
-My dinner consisted of a Monster Energy Drink, Watchamacallit Candy Bar and Oreo Cakesters. I guess I always associate ska with high school I felt like I could eat like I was High School.
-The line to get into show didn't move and it is hot inside The Venue, thus I didn't want a sweater. This resulted in me standing in line for about an hour in 34 degree temperature in a t-shirt.

Koo Koo Kangaroo
-Koo Koo Kangaroo is a duo of white men who rap about dinosaurs and other nostalgic topics.
-They brought one of those large multi-colored parachutes you had in elementary for us to play with, rad.
-They spent a lot of time jumping around in the audience, and teaching us sweet dance moves.
-You should check them out if you have kids, if you don't I am not sure they will be as much fun for you recorded as they were for me live. But, their lyrics and ironic facial hair is something we can all enjoy.

Suburban Legends
-One of my favorite ska bands ever.
-They are what a "boy band" would be like if said "boy band" was not lame. Ergo synchronized dancing while playing instruments.
-They did a ska cover of the "hide yer wives, hide yer kids" guy, was it the greatest thing ever? It is possible.
-Unless you hate fun you should be listening to this band.

Aquabats
-This might be the most tame show I have ever seen the Bats do, but still sweet.
-We learned backfat is an essential element of hand to hand combat with mad scientists whom you wronged in pre-school.
-The Commander can still do back flips off of speaker stacks he is the man that age can not stop.
-The Aquabats are pure fun, there is nothing serious about them at all. They totally reject the post Bob Dylan world and write songs that just make you want to move. The world could use more of this.
-They played The Story of Nothing for the first time in years. It was at this point you could find the true Aquabats fans versus the Yo-Gabba-Gabba late comers.
-Co-Headlining with Reel Big Fish was fun, but they really need the extra time to get all of the stuff out of their back catalog I want to hear.

Reel Big Fish
-I was really worried that anyone following the Aquabats would struggle because of the elaborate stage show the Bats put on, but RBF did an excellent job. They had a lot of funny banter and put on an amazing live show.
-Opening with Sellout was good because it satisfied the posers early.
-They covered Van Morison's Brown Eyed Girl and Metallica's Enter the Sandman, I don't think I need to expand why this awesome.
-Their more well known cover of Take on Me is excellent live, but I blame it for my sounding like a Delta Blues Musician this morning (the EEEEEEEEEEEEE part in the chorus).

The Aftermath
-I am honestly a zombie today.
-I have large mosh related bruises all over my body.
-I have trace amounts of blood in my caffeine stream.
-Sprite is still the perfect post concert beverage.

Miscellaneous Observations
-We made friends with a group of guys who ditched their wives to come to show. We ended up hanging with them for the entire concert. Seriously, random group of dudes to hang out with, but concert friends are fantastic.
-There is an age group that totally missed Mosh Etiquette 101. The 12-13 year olds got it, the older people got it, but there was a certain segment in between the two that totally missed out on what is rad and what is non-sweet pit behavior.
-Maggie and I had a lengthy discussion about how she was cooler when we started dating, but I have since passed her in coolness. She maintains I am cooler than she is when it comes to music only, and she is still cooler than I am in overall coolness. I think only math can solve this, but it sufficeth me to say we are both rad*.

*I am making a concerted effort to bring the world rad back into my daily lexicon.

My Mini-Don Draper Experience

Last Thursday was my birthday. I got older and I am now old enough that this bothers me. I work 4 days a week 10 hours a day so Thursday is my Friday. I had a ton to do that, but I had dreams of leaving work early enough to go watch a movie by myself. I spent most of the morning working on an article for an Environmental Journal on carbon sequestration (I was also submitting this as a paper for a class), but at around 2:30 I was done. Not with the work I had to do, but with being in my office, so I made my escape.

For those of you who are not Mad Men fans you will likely not understand this, but I pulled a Don Draper. I sneaked out of the office to see an art house film in the middle of the day. I put on my black fedora and walked around downtown SLC for a while. I stopped in one of my favorite stores Misc. and was dismayed that she had no men's clothing that day. I then went to Jitterbug on 3rd South and may have bought a pair or two of vintage cuff links, may have. I then stepped into The Copper Onion and sat and the bar and had a drink(bitters and soda with an orange slice and a muddled cherry...I felt so inclined plus it resembled an Old Fashioned) before my show began.

I then sat in the back of an empty theater and watched Howl. The James Franco biography of Allen Ginsberg. The film itself was excellent, despite it's clumsy editing and disjointed story line, the animated sequences that illustrate Ginsberg's opus work would be compelling cinema on their own. It also had Jon Hamm in it which if you are pulling a "Draper" makes anything better.

There is something I love about seeing movies alone. It frees you from thinking about anything other than yourself and the celluloid. Seeing a movie like Howl that asks much of it's audience's imagination in total silence takes a movie to an even greater cerebral place. You allow yourself to become immersed in both the words written of a poem that shifted a generation and the artistic license that a filmmaker a generation removed attached to that work. There is a moment of magic that occures when the lights dim in a theater and images begin to flash on screen where the anticipation builds as you are about to enter a place you've never been before and will be able to escape your daily confines for 90 minutes (or 3 hours if its Kevin Costner and you may go back to back at work if its The Postman). Feeling that while you should be at work is even better.

That night was followed by dinner with friends at Moki's in Taylorsville and staying up till the wee small hours of the morning finishing my article (I'll let you know if it gets published, but I got a 97 on the paper).

Summer 2010

Summer is dying slowly. Its a sad tragic truth that summers end. Summers were once a time of discovery, a time freedom was not an expression but a lifestyle, a time when adventure was born. The older I get the farther those summers seem from me. In response to that gap I have created a list of things that make for a summer to great. These are things that I have done, wanted to do and will endeavor to do every summer for the rest of my life. Please comment on what should be added to the list or tell of experiences doing some of the items on the list.

-Go to a baseball game, eat a hot dog (drink a beer if you're so inclined).
-Drink a Coke from a glass bottle.
-Climb a mountain.
-Go to an outdoor concert.
-Picnic. Take good cheese, crusty bread and olives (and wine, if you're so inclined).
-Go to a beach, swim or surf. Build a sand castle
-Ride a roller coaster
-Go to a festival, carnival, fair or farmer's market.
-Eat Cotton Candy.
-Climb a tree.
-Drink a Slurpee(please make it a real Slurpee, not its pathetic half brother Icee)
-Barbecue, listen to Sublime, Bob Marley, The Beach Boys, Hepcat and The Buena Vista Social Club.
- See at least one person you have not seen in over a year.
-Write something. Put pen to paper and write in long hand; a short story, a poem, a letter just write something not on a computer.
-Walk barefoot on grass.
-Fall in love with a new band.
-Watch a movie that was made before you were born, preferably before your parents were born.
-Ride a horse.
-Swim at night.
-Play a team sport just for fun, softball is preferable.
-Go to a movie, try for a midnight showing.
-Compete in a race.
-See a play.
-Cross something off of your bucket list.
-Add something to your bucket list.
-Road trip.
-Camp.
-Eat at a new restaurant, and try something you have never had before.
-Watch fireworks.
-Do something stupid with your best friend.
-Go to a parade.
-Catch a bug...let it go.
-Go to a snow shack for a Tiger's blood snow cone. Its different than a Slurpee.
-Walk barefoot on grass.
-Go fishing.
-Read something just for fun, something non-fiction, a poem (out loud) and a literary classic.
-Make your own ice cream or sorbet.
-Make a new friend.
-Visit an National Park, Monument or Historic Site.
-Visit a museum.
-Roller skate.
-Build something, anything just make it your own.
-Watch a sunrise and set.
-Ride a bike.
-Remember what its like to be a child.

Tri-As He Might

Thoughts on my first Triathlon

*I now have even greater respect for superheros after wearing a wet suit, rubber is hot.

*Mobile bathrooms, become less gross the more you need one.

*Sorry Bobby Boucher Jr., Gatorade is better.

*Salem Springs' pond does not taste great.


*Red Vines are an excellent recovery food, Pay-Days are excellent race fuel.

*Triathlons are addictive.

*Racing around farms and having people bang cowbells at you on your bike, really allows you to pretend you are in the Tour de France. This is of course a very a happy delusion.

*Someone turned a giant piece of farm equipment into a dragon with a sign that says, "Don't Feed the Dragon". Neat.

*Look Llamas.

*Having people chant "BEARD, BEARD, BEARD" and "GO BEARD GO" is awesome.

*Only slightly more awesome is winning the prize of a high quality new bike bag solely because of your ability to grow facial hair like a Norse God.

*DZ Nuts is essential to success.

Musical Rundown
I only used music during the run portion of the race, and then I only started at the half way point. It made an enormous difference. I immediately felt energized, and picked up the pace instantly at the point I decided to turn on my the Ipod.

*Under Pressure-Queen
First song to come on is a perfect way to revive the lost energy. Queen as long been the band best associated with stadium soundtracks.

*NFL Films Soundtrack
The orchestra playing rousing music while John Facenda grizzled voice speaks of blitzing linebackers, Vince Lombardi and the gridiron as the floor of the ancient Roman coliseum even though you are not in anyway resembling football still manages to stir up all of the masculinity stored in your body and push you further.

*Stronger-Kanye West
I'll let all you haters finish in a minute, but I gotta say Kanye recorded one of the best work out songs of all time.

*Iron Man-Black Sabbath
Tommy Iommi's guitar and Ozzy's vocals...nuff said.

*Shipping Up to Boston-Dropkick Murpheys
Finding your wooden leg while being genuinely pissed off seem to echo the feeling during the last minutes of triathlon.

*Black Friday Rule-Flogging Molly
Again, when you are just needing to harness the anger to push yourself nothing beats Irish Punk.

*Blitzkrieg Bop-The Ramones
Fast and furious excellent for when you want to make a move and pass some fools.

*Beautiful Day-U2
The song I like to end all of my runs with with. It captures the zen feeling of seizing the day and experiencing life that running/biking/swimming on a perfect sunny day bring to pass. Beautiful Day encompasses the experience you are in the midst of because the rush of endorphins merged with weeks of training and sense of accomplishment all collide to great a day you don't want to let slip away.

It Also Helps You Bang Your Head

-Colt

As I am walking across the street to my office's cafateria to purchase a hard boiled egg, an old man rolls down the window of his truck.

Old Man:Hey You!

Colt:What?

Old Man:Why is hair and beard so long?

Colt: Because the 60's happened, The Beatles invaded, and Eric Clapton told me to let it grow.

Old Man: *scowls and rolls up his window.

Elvis Costello King of Cool

By Colt

In recent years Chuck Norris has become the image the world things of when in thinks of bad ass. He has received Internet fame that is generally reserved for adult film stars and cats that can dance to a Kelly Clarkson song. Norris Facts include such tid bits of vital information as "Chuck Norris doesn't do push ups, he pushes the Earth down", "Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer, to bad he never cries", and "If you have 5 dollars and Chuck Norris has 5 dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you do". I will not argue with this(because Chuck Norris would kill me with Swiffer Duster), but he is THE bad ass. I submit that Elvis Costello is the Chuck Norris equivalent of cool. Other possible contenders would be George Clooney , but he was in One Fine Day which just barely lands him the silver medal; Frank Sinatra, is dead but lives on; and Don Draper\Roger Sterling who are fictional and therefore lose by default. Listed below are some of the reasons why Elvis Costello wins.

#1 Elvis Costello wrote a song so amazing that only God can hear it.
#2 Elvis Costello is haunted by the ghosts of George Harrison, John Lennon and Buddy Holly just because they want to hang with him.
#3 Elvis Costello's hat was used by Odd Job in Goldfinger.
#4 Elvis Costello's glasses are made from the windows of Superman's crashed space ship.
#5 Elvis Costello wrote the national anthem for every country that ever was.
#6 Elvis Costello won World War II with a saxophone solo.
#7 Elvis Costello wrote an entire three act opera using only one note.
#8 Elvis Costello dreams in HD.
#9 Elvis Costello is a vegetarian who can grow a Sirloin Steak from a tomato seed.
#10 Elvis Costello songs don't get downloaded they get carved in marble on your hard drive.

Fondue Festivus

Okay if you are not on my Faceboook account you may not have heard that Festivus is tonight! This has been an annual tradition for a long time. It will have Fondue, Feats of Strength, Airing of Grievances....and MORE!

The Party Begins at 5:30 and runs till when ever I get tired or 11ish which ever occurs first. The location is my Mom's house so call or comment if you need me to email you directions.